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[14 Apr 2004|11:32pm] |
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mood |
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 grumpy |
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went to pep boys with Dan.
spent a couple hours trying to fix his van. it sucks seeing Dan so frustrated and not being able to help. i don't even know what to say to make him feel better. i don't know if there even is anything i could say.
rain sucks.
i have a feeling that if it weren't so cold and rainy, and if i weren't sick, I wouldn't be so annoyed with life. it just adds to my general crankiness.
UGH. A BIG FUCK YOU GOES OUT TO MOTHER NATURE THIS WEEK!
on a brighter note, i feel much more appreciated by everyone today. so thats good.
i'm just gonna go make some more tea and read or something. i'm ready to put a bullet through my head.
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[14 Apr 2004|12:36am] |
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figured i should update this......
i'm miserable tonight. kthanks.
i'm going to bed. i'm not waking up until someone calls my cell phone to tell me they care. because right now...i'm not fuckin feelin it. I don't think anyone gets me sometimes. Ya know what. I could go on a huge rant right now....but I won't. Because its not worth my fuckin time.
i just wish people gave me the credit i feel i deserve sometimes. or any credit at all. yeah i'm not a bad person and I don't have ill intentions. i think i've been expressing that side of me more lately. me staying away from trouble and not wanting to start trouble and doing nothing but trying to help. i haven't heard a single thank you or someone saying "ya know Ash... you're a good person." But I guess I don't need it. I have my own feelings about myself and I think I'm nice. fuck the rest of you that don't see it, don't care, or are just complete fucking assholes.
and to you.....i love you. i'm sorry you had a bad night.
love,
a sad little girl.
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[09 Apr 2004|07:02pm] |
despite all my pain, i don't appreciate my mom giving me pills without informing me that she's giving me vicodin. she could fuckin kill me. i already took a different painkiller, my antibiotic, my birth control, my normal stomach pill, and my pill for nausea because i was feeling sick to my stomach again, probably because of all the medicine i'm on and all the sherbet i ate.
big fuckin ugh
i wanna get better. for my sake and so i don't get anyone else sick.
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[09 Apr 2004|03:54pm] |
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mood |
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oh my fucking god |
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crying hysterically and coughing up blood.
i need to go to the hospital but no one is around.
i want my baby to hold me. everything hurts so bad. i can't stand it.
i've never been this sick. i've never cried from a sore throat in my life.
but i'm hysterical. the only way i can describe the pain is like swallowing razor blades. It's really that bad.
i don't know what to do. i can't handle the pain anymore.
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[09 Apr 2004|12:11pm] |
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i'm tired of being sick. i sound like shit. i drugged myself up around 7 this morning so I could get some sleep and my throat would stop hurting so bad. I woke up later cause someone was IMing me and then a little while after that, Dan called and I talked to him for half an hour or so.
Kelly called me, completely hysterical, to tell me that her dog threw up and shit on her bed and she needed someone to clean it up for her. I don't deal well with that stuff so I told her I couldn't help her. I found it slightly amsuing. Kelly obviously didn't. It was odd. She was reeeeeally upset because of it.
I feel like shit and I think my head might explode. There's so much pressure. UGGGGH.
I don't wanna spend Easter at home. My family always goes to New Hope and leaves me at home because my sister doesn't know how to act right and likes to fight with me so I'm the one that is always stuck alone. So umm can I spend tomorrow night at anyone's house and spend Easter with them too? Let me know.
I think I'm gonna take a nap. I feel like ass.
Love Ashley.
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[08 Apr 2004|11:40pm] |
PS. Kelly, Leeann, and Ryan brought me my slurpee.
I got 6 out of the 10 things i asked for tonight.
Can you guys guess which ones?
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[08 Apr 2004|11:12pm] |
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mood |
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sore throats suck |
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music |
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yellowcard |
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Dan bought me soup, bread, a drink, and sherbert from Wawa on his way home from work. I ate the soup and shared the bread. We saved the sherbert and shared that later too. I have what's left in the freezer. I'm a very happy camper. We watched a long movie together and snuggled on the couch. I kinda prefer this over going out. Atleast while it's still cold. In the summer I'll wanna walk around outside all the time. But for now, nothing makes me happier than staying in and watching a movie at home.
I felt like crap all day but I finally got a shower and put on some makeup before Dan got here cause I looked close to being dead before. My nose is still stuffy and my throat hurts way bad. I'm praying that Dan doesn't get sick. It wouldn't be enough to keep him out of work, but enough to make him feel like shit for a few days while he worked his tired ass off. But I felt better while Dan was here. Maybe it was because he kept my mind off the pain in my throat. I was tired. I caught myself falling asleep on his chest a few times. But I didn't do anything all day so it wasn't fair for me to sleep when Dan was the one that had been working for 10 hours.
But now he's gone and I don't know when I'll be seeing him again. I think next week I should just go live in his van. I'll be lonely at home and I'd like to spend some time alone in New Egypt with Dan where I can just relax. Maybe I can work something out with Dan.
I feel really crappy again. I'm gonna go take my pills and fall asleep while I watch some television or maybe I'll find another movie to pop in.
I had a good night.
tomorrow I'll probably just stay home resting again. i know i'm not up to par and I don't want to be an ass about things and go out before I'm completely healthy and just be dying again.
love, Ashley
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[08 Apr 2004|01:05pm] |
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mood |
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 energetic |
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music |
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Story Of The Year - Until The Day |
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i really like being able to hold my food down.
i like when people call to check up on me.
i don't like choking on my food because my throat is so swollen.
i don't like not having any vanilla extract. I wanna make cupcakes. or something.......
what i want for tonight is:
a chest to rest my head on.
a slurpee to make my throat feel better.
someone to feed me.
a bottle of gatorade or apple juice.
some Advil.
a blanket.
someone to talk to.
cupcakes.
a new book to read.
a new CD to listen to.
If anyone can help me out with any of these things, feel free to call my cell phone and then stop by with them. My poor, aching body needs your help. I'm siiiiiiick.
I've missed all my friends. I hate staying home from school. The last person I saw was Rachel on Tuesday. AHHH it sucks. I never want to get sick again.
but to everyone that has been worrying about me, thank you sooooo much! i love all of you.
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[07 Apr 2004|08:24pm] |
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wonderful.
so i have a fever of 101.2 and the doctor basically verified that yes, my throat is fucked up and yes, i probably am nauseous. thanks doc. i knew that already. she pushed on my stomach and i screamed in pain and i think i scared her. there is a spot in my tummy that always hurts if you press on it. Its where my appendix and ovary are. She put me on an antibiotic to help my cold and a pill to help my nausea. she told me to drink plenty of fluids. she suggested that I don't eat anything until I am 100 percent sure I can keep it down. That was my plan in the first place. Dan suggested crackers. I ate 2 and knew if I tried to eat one more it wasn't gonna stay down so I gave up.
So yeah, I'm sick. It rules. I'm sweating my ass off.
I went to the pharmacy and bought myself some apple juice and cherry cough drops. I think I'm set, atleast for an hour or so.
Also, I'd like to know why I suddenly look fatter. I didn't gain any weight. But I just look huge when I see myself in the mirror. I definitely need to go on a diet. Oh and I decided, I'm not going to Prom. i don't have the money and I won't. I really did want to go but...oh well. I'm sure I'll get over it. Its not that big of a deal. I have a different plan for that night. It will be a million times better than anything.
I wanna be held. I just feel like crap. yeah......i just wanna be held.
love,
ashley
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[06 Apr 2004|05:45pm] |
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mood |
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happy to be back |
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I am so fucking cool.
It's good to be back on my old journal.
Oh, how i missed you so.
I love you. I'm sorry for deserting you.
you make me happy.
love always, Ashley.
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[03 Dec 2003|08:12pm] |
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HAPPY!
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| thats right, i'm updating. |
[27 Apr 2003|06:48pm] |
hey there everyone. i decided to update.
nothing is new with me. i still hate the fam, school is shitty, and music is still my life.
i'm drinking boost. mmmm 28 ounces of flat soda. gotta love it.
i have a new s/n. it's xdenythetruth.
i still have my other journal and i update it entirely too much.
and thats about it.
oh, and i really need to clean my room.
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[26 Mar 2003|09:12pm] |
I don't really post on this journal anymore. Sorry if it'd been disappointing anyone.
I'm gunna stick with ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) denythetruth
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| HEY BITCHES! |
[23 Mar 2003|02:47am] |
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mood |
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 excited |
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music |
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Desa...damn you Joe |
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Guess who got their journal back!!! Yeah. I am really happy. I missed it like whoa.
A little update. I have a new journal(denythetruth). I've become slightly attached to it already. I don't know which one I should use. I'm taking a poll. Which should I used more often??!! Leave comments.
Tonight, I walked to meet Shannon behind the liquor store across the street. We walked through the woods and up through the housing development to sit at the hockey rink and talk. I left here at 10 of two and got back around 2:45. I was supposed to call someone and I am a little upset that I couldn't. Sorry.
Well. I am talking to Joe E. and shit and he is making me sad. I am going to go try to make him care about shit and then go update the other lj.
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| Ransom Note |
[20 Mar 2003|03:13am] |
Dear Ashley,
If you ever want to see you're fucking journal again leave one modest mouse cd behind 7-11 in a small brown bag. Also include a small child size sweatshirt. Make sure the cd is in the wrapper, and make sure it's from the wall, I need that lifetime guarantee. Oh, and if you want it back in one piece, you should throw in a nes-quick with the modest mouse cd.
-namlliks
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| Comeback of the day.... |
[19 Mar 2003|03:05pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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DMX |
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Sister: Guess who I'm going out with.
Me: Shut the fuck up! I don't care!
Sister: I don't care if you care.
Me: You're fucking dumb and you're annoying the piss out of me.
Sister: You're ugly.
Me: No I'm not.
Sister: THE BOOGIE MAN IS PRETTIER THAN YOU!!!
*I would like you guys to keep in mind that my sister is 14 and about to become a freshman*
If only I was as cool as her back in middle school. The best comeback I had was. "Guess who cares....not me!"
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| dumb fucks |
[19 Mar 2003|01:16pm] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
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music |
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Don McClean |
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People from Jersey can't fucking drive. There is some road work going on in front of my house and they marked the lanes off with BIG orange cones. I'm outside getting the mail and I see car after car running into the cones. The one lane they have marked off is atleast 10 feet wide and that is the one where everyone keeps running into the fucking cones. There are only cones on one side of them because the rest of the lane just extends off the shoulder and pretty much onto my fron lawn because there is no curb. I'm disappointed. I never want to get my license if I have to be on the road with those assholes. Sure....I bet you're saying "someday you'll probably be one of those 'assholes'" I won't. You know why? Cause I'm not a fucking retard!
Sorry for the anger.
I'm happy again. :)
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| still sick..... |
[19 Mar 2003|12:45pm] |
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mood |
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irritated |
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music |
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Botch |
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I fell asleep on the couch last night, feeling and sounding like shit. I woke up this morning feeling and sounding even worse....sike. I can't get in a good hour of sleep because I keep coughing like a fucking giraffe choking on a biscuit. (Yes, I do know what that sounds like...I'll save the story for another day though.) My dog jumps on me every 10 minutes. She's a tiny ass Shih Tzu but the impact of her tiny feet into my chest hurt pretty badly. My head is pounding and I can't move with crying because the pain in my head gets so intense. This has to be the worse cold I've ever had. Very uncool.
No one is online. Joe, Ian, and PJ are at work and everyone else is at school. Normally I would call them the losers but I am the one home alone and bored out of my mind.
THE GREAT GATSBY FUCKING BLOWS AND I REFUSE TO READ ANYMORE!!!
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| gah! |
[19 Mar 2003|01:08am] |
someone that knows my password has been deleting certain posts of mine and comments as well.
not cool guys. i will be changing my password.
jerk.
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